GI Joe Olympics
by Red Witch
Summary: Quick Kick and Short Fuse egg on the Joes to try some pretty outrageous stunts. In other words, the same old thing that always happens around the Pit.


**The disclaimer saying I don't own any GI Joe characters is back in Beijing. Just some more inspired madness. **

**GI Joe Olympics**

"Hello everyone! I'm Quick Kick!"

"And I'm Short Fuse!"

"And welcome to the coverage of the first annual GI Joe Olympics!" Quick Kick beamed. Both men were in black sports jackets with white shirts. "We're going to show you highlights and one Low Light of the games."

"Let's start with the opening ceremony where Barbecue and Blowtorch lit the Joe Olympic Torch," Short Fuse said. "Well actually it wasn't as much a torch but BA's Chicken Surprise. The surprise was that it wasn't chicken and it was still alive."

FOOOM!

"Boy look at that baby burn," Quick Kick smiled. "And now a recap of our first event. Women's Javelin Throw."

"COME ON GIRLS! I SAID I WAS SORRY!" Shipwreck ran for his life, wearing a huge target strapped to his back. The Joe women were running after him with Javelins. "I DIDN'T MEAN TO SPY ON YOU IN THE LOCKER ROOM! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I TELL YA!"

"No surprise Lady Jaye won the gold," Short Fuse said cheerfully.

"YEOWWWWWWW!" Shipwreck shouted. "MY BUTT!"

"Yup that's a gold winning shot if I ever saw one," Short Fuse smiled. "And Scarlet won the gold for Women's Archery."

"OH COME ON!" Wet Suit had a target on his back and ran for his life. "SO WHAT IF I SAID ALL THE GIRLS COULD BE IN PLAYBOY? I MEANT IT AS A COMPLEMENT! YEOWCH!"

"I tell you Short Fuse that's one of my favorite spectator sports," Quick Kick smiled.

"You said it QK," Short Fuse agreed. "Next is cliff diving!"

"AAAAAAHHH!" Several Joes jumped off a cliff.

"Good jumps," Quick Kick smiled. "Next time though they should put water under the cliff. Alpine won the gold because he had the least life threatening injuries."

"Speaking of water the 200 meter breaststroke was a huge hit, with Torpedo winning the gold!" Short Fuse smiled. "But everyone did very well. How can you not with a giant lobster chasing you?"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Shots of Joes swimming for their lives from a giant lobster was shown.

"Thanks Tunnel Rat for loaning us Pinchy," Quick Kick smiled. "We'll be showing you the highlights of the Ninja Gymnastics finals as soon as we find our cameraman. Up next is the 3 K Mile Run from Beach Head."

"COME BACK HERE YOU JERKS!" Beach Head chased several men. Beach head was covered in glue and chicken feathers. "WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU…"

"To everyone's surprise the winner of this event was Dial Tone," Quick Kick said. "He'll get his medal as soon as he stops running and Beach Head stops chasing him."

"The winner in the jumping over fire hurdles was Airtight," Short Fuse said. "Of course he was the only person who didn't get burned so no wonder he won the gold medal but still some people are questioning his win. But as I said before, there's no rules against wearing any type of protective suit while participating in this event. So the final judgment stands."

"Bazooka won the gold medal in the grenade shot put," Quick Kick said. "Don't worry folks these are flour grenades. But you gotta see this! It's still funny!"

"Beach Head will never find us in these bushes," Wet Suit panted.

"Yeah," Shipwreck gasped. Suddenly a flour grenade landed in front of them. "Uh oh…"

BOOOOOOOM!

"Look at those guys fly," Short Fuse said. "Right onto the Minefield Golf course."

BOOOOOOM!

"Which leads us to the Downhill Wheelchair races," Quick Kick remarked.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Several bandaged Joes were seen racing downhill.

CRASH!

"And Shipwreck is the winner!" Quick Kick said.

"Yay…" Shipwreck moaned.

"Wow these are great games! And next up is the shooting event," Short Fuse said. "Uh where's the targets?"

"Funny you should say that," Low Light grinned as he and a few dozen bandaged Joes walked in with rifles.

"Uh oh, time to do the thousand meter dash!" Quick Kick gulped. He and Short Fuse fled for their lives as the Joes shot after them.

"GET THEM!" The Joes shouted as they chased after the two men.

General Hawk stared at the TV in amazement with his two second in commands. "Why did I ever **allow** this?"

"I dunno, something about raising morale," Flint shrugged.

"I know seeing Quick Kick and Short Fuse get theirs certainly makes me happy," Duke grinned.


End file.
